Divorce Coaches: Adding Value to The Legal Team
Now more than ever, family law attorneys face challenging deadlines, long work hours, difficult clients, emotional stressors, and ever-increasing daily demands—leaving little time for self-care and relaxation. In addition to helping clients through a plethora of legal and emotional decisions, they must stay on top of an ever-changing, adversarial, and conflict-driven industry.
These challenges, coupled with navigating complex responsibilities, underscore why divorce lawyers are at an increased risk of anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and burnout.¹ Yet, this emotional toll of being a matrimonial attorney is being overlooked and has become a serious issue.
In May of 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) included burnout for the first time in its 11th Revision of the International Classification of Diseases, effective January 2022.² The WHO specifically described burnout as “resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”³
The act of juggling a work-life balance as a modern-day attorney with many competing demands is difficult. With more people working remotely because of the COVID-19 pandemic, it is harder than ever to create effective career and personal life boundaries, and burnout is at an all-time high.⁴
In the fourth quarter of 2021, lawyers evaluated in Bloomberg’s Law Attorney Workload and Hours Survey reported experiencing burnout in their job 52% of the time.⁵ Of the 614 lawyers surveyed, nearly half (46%) said their well-being also worsened.⁶ Lawyers whose well-being declined experienced burnout at almost twice the rate (70%) of lawyers who reported no change.⁷ Likewise, a recent study by the American Bar Association found that the mental health of lawyers is currently at the lowest point in over a decade.⁸ This is occurring at the same time that the health care system is already overburdened and struggling to deal with the rise in political, social, and mental health issues in America.⁹
Attorneys must remain vigilant regarding the negative impact these issues are having on their profession. The responsibility on the family lawyer to manage client needs, expectations, education, conflict, communication, and emotional well-being is growing exponentially. It is imperative that they avail themselves of the non-attorney professionals available to assist in matrimonial matters, including the valuable role of the divorce coach to support the client in the process.
Moreover, the legal system is premised on the idea that people going through the divorce process can make rational decisions about complex issues. Nevertheless, many people—when their relationships are falling apart—are in turmoil, disoriented, and unable to think clearly. Their distress is often situational and does not rise to the level of a psychological disorder, yet they need emotional support and often require “handholding” during the legal process.
Usually, clients have:
An attorney whose primary focus is on legal aspects of the case.
A financial professional who concentrates on the finances.
A therapist whose focus is on mental health.
Each plays an integral part of the team but each is focused on their own expertise. The one professional often missing—the one who connects everyone working on the case—is a Divorce Coach (DC).
In 2013, the American Bar Association defined divorce coaching as:
“[A] flexible, goal-oriented process designed to support, motivate, and guide people going through divorce to help them make the best possible decisions for their future, based on particular interests, needs, and concerns.”¹⁰
Since then, there are multiple reasons why an increasing number of matrimonial lawyers and individuals contemplating or going through a divorce are working with divorce coaches. As a client advocate, DCs:
Educate individuals on the process.
Support clients in becoming credible participants through skills-based instruction.
Prepare clients for divorce-related meetings.
These professionals help clients make constructive, future-focused decisions from the beginning of the process to avoid costly mistakes.¹¹ Individuals taught to separate the business side from the emotional side of divorce tend to be more organized, gather needed documents on time, listen more attentively, and ask more relevant questions—making for more efficient legal representation.
Benefits for Lawyers
By alleviating everyday pressures such as stress, frustration, and exhaustion, divorce coaches make the job less disruptive and afford attorneys more time to focus on their primary legal functions and improve work-life balance. The rise in the divorce coach industry shows that clients are increasingly willing to invest in professionals whose goal is to increase collaboration and decrease conflict.
Perspectives from Family Lawyers
Susan Keyes, Esq.: “The Coach acts as a member of the team, working in partnership with the attorney to support the client in managing the emotional and practical elements of the dissolution process. The Coach is an emotional advocate, creating a safe space for the client to express feelings, while providing guidance on how to manage the emotions associated with divorce and the positive outlook necessary to move forward.”
Jason Marks, Esq.: “In many ways, a DC is more equipped than a lawyer to work with a client on the non-legal matters that arise in a case that sometimes impact the client’s ability to make objective decisions.”
Doreen Yaffa, Esq.: “DCs should be a welcome and integral part of the team… Coaches help clients focus on the pressing issues of the divorce so the lawyers can move the case forward.”
Robert Orshan, Esq.: “As a member of the litigation team, a DC acts as a buffer to assist clients throughout the process and helps lawyers shoulder the burden of helping their clients maneuver through the trauma of divorce.”
Confidentiality Concerns
It is important to note that divorce coach communications are not currently privileged under Florida law. Some attorneys remain apprehensive about confidentiality, but many address this by requiring DCs to sign confidentiality agreements as agents of the lawyer. This may allow communications to be treated as confidential, similar to other experts hired in domestic proceedings.
Despite ongoing concerns, most DCs are hired directly by clients who prioritize support over confidentiality fears. Many attorneys also recognize contractual safeguards:
Jason Marks: “A DC signed coaching agreement contractually renders communication confidential and only may be disclosed with a court order.”
Susan Keyes: “Confidentiality should adhere to the communications between a DC and a client… The benefits well outweigh any potential risk!”
Julie Rountree: “Anything disclosed in a coaching session will not help an opposing counsel’s case. Clients are learning skills to communicate, manage emotions, problem-solve, organize for the process, and negotiate.”
Steve Kriegshaber, Esq.: “Rule 408 of the Federal Rules of Evidence points out the purpose of non-disclosure… Protecting the coach-client information helps promote settlement in many cases.”
Even though some apprehension remains, legal professionals who work with divorce coaches continue to experience their benefits in promoting forward-focused and amicable settlements.
Conclusion
Whether due to workload, the emotional toll, or the pressure to keep up in a competitive industry, burnout has serious impacts on the physical, mental, and social health of legal professionals.¹² While these stressors will not disappear, their intensity can be diminished by collaborating with a divorce coach to help manage clients’ emotional needs.
As Lindsay Gunia, Esq., shareholder in the Family Law Department of Stearns Weaver Miller, says:
“There is a movement towards collaborating with professionals that can help promote resolution in divorce cases.”
About the Author
Jennifer Warren Medwin, MS, is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach, Supreme Court of Florida Family Mediator, and Certified Marital Mediator. Her private practice in Pinecrest, Miami is called Seeking Empowerment: Clarity through Partnership. Jennifer specializes in working alongside individuals and couples contemplating divorce or fearful of high conflict, as well as those hoping to save their marriages. She partners with clients to develop clarity, confidence, courage, conflict management strategies, and communication skills to move through the process.
Jennifer is collaboratively trained, a member of the National Association of Divorce Professionals (NADP), serves on the SupportPay Advisory Council, and contributes to the Amicable Divorce Network. She also teaches at Family and Co-parenting Enrichment Services (F.A.C.E.S.), serves on the KidSide committee, and writes for Your Tango, Thrive Global, and OurFamilyWizard. She is the author of Strategies & Tips from a Divorce Coach: A Roadmap to Move Forward.
📧 Jen@seekingempowerment.com
🌐 www.seekingempowerment.com
Endnotes
Lawyer Burnout: Stopping before It Starts, CLIO.COM, https://www.clio.com/blog/lawyer-burnout/
World Health Organization (2021). International statistical classification of diseases and related health problems (11th ed.). https://icd.who.int
Linda Ouyang and Karen Miller-Kuwana, ANALYSIS: Attorney Well-Being Declines, With Burnout on the Rise, Bloomberg Law, Mar. 3, 2022.
Ashley Abramson, Burnout and Stress are Everywhere, APA Monitor, Jan. 1, 2022.
Lawyer Mental Health and Wellness, Part 1: Burnout and Platform Fatigue, ACTIONSTEP.COM.
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Mental Health Lawyers: Paradigm Must Shift, American Bar Association, Oct. 10, 2022.
What’s Really Causing America’s Mental Health Crisis? NPR.org, Sept. 21, 2022.
Dispute Resolution Process: Divorce Coaching, American Bar Association, Jan. 17, 2013.
The Positive Impact a Divorce Coach Can Have for Their Client and Their Children, certifieddivorcecoach.com
See Endnote 5 supra.